Archive for the Sucked at Life Category

A Case of You

Posted in Sucked at Life with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2014 by Des

MV5BMTg2MDQwOTAwNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwOTcwNjE0MDE@._V1_SX214_AL_Release Date: April 21st, 2013

Plot Outline: A guy falls in love with the barista at a coffee shop. He finds her FaceBook profile and studies it to become a man she can fall in love with.

Rating: 1/5

I thought I was sitting down to watch an adorable romantic comedy but I was wrong. I was sitting down to watch another “stalk her until she loves you” flick.

Sam (Justin Long) decides he is in love with the barista at a coffee shop he goes to so he finds her on FaceBook and studies her page. He has spoken to her once for about five minutes and is convinced she is perfect for him.

Sam learns Judo, learns how to cook French cuisine, learns how to play guitar, and reads all of Birdie’s (Rachel Evan Wood) favorite books and listens to her favorite music. He even learns one of her favorite songs on guitar. All to impress her. These are all things that she loves, which he has gathered from her FaceBook page.

Sam’s roommate thinks things are going well because Sam is so happy and energized. He questions Sam about their conversations/dates. When Sam admits they have not spoken and he has only been checking her FaceBook page, his roommate tells him he is creepy. YES this is very creepy! Sam is a stalker. Even though his roommate does the right thing and tells Sam this is creepy behavior, he then reinforces Sam’s stalker status by recommending that Sam go to a show Birdie is going to in order to “accidentally” bump into her.

You can refer to my previous review of The Right Kind of Wrong to see just how sick and tired I am of this stalker cliche’. I will say it again, stalking is not romantic! It is a crime!

If you liked this, see: The Right Kind of Wrong

 

The Right Kind of Wrong

Posted in Sucked at Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2014 by Des

right-kind-of-wrong-dvd-cover-13Release Date: February 6th, 2014

Plot Outline: A man falls in love with a bride on her wedding day and he will stop at nothing until he makes her fall in love with him.

Rating: 1/5

Words cannot express how much I hated this movie but I will try. The Right Kind of Wrong was everything that is wrong with the movie industry. The acting was bad, the plot was cliche’ and sexist to boot!

This movie was extremely sexist right off the bat, which itself points out numerous times. The main character, Leo (Ryan Kwanten) falls in love with a bride because she kicked a football over his house. He then crashes her wedding and hits on her. He becomes even more convinced they are soul mates when she punches him in the face. The main character is now a creepy psychopath at about 15 minutes into the movie but he only becomes creepier.

Leo proceeds to stalk Colette (Sara Canning) by showing up at her work place, house, and a coffee shop she frequents. When watching this film I couldn’t help but become angry that this serious issue of stalking that women do face was being used as a romantic plot. Stalking and pursuing a woman relentlessly until she gives in is not romantic. Leo deserves to be in prison, not with Colette.

I really wish that this harmful cliche’ would stop being used over and over again. It sends the wrong message to men and women! Stalking is not romantic, it is a crime.

If you liked this, see: A Case of You

Aeon Flux

Posted in Sucked at Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2011 by Des

Release Date: December 2nd 2005

Plot Outline: Aeon Flux is an assassin working with a group that is trying to overthrow their government.

So Aeon Flux (to me) was an epic fail of a movie. It was ridiculously cheesy. You can see the type of movie it was trying to be and you can see how and why it failed miserably.

So as far as I understood, there was some illness that wiped out the population. Everyone that survived was quarantined in this makeshift society. So as I understood it, these were just humans…so why did Aeon Flux appear to be super human? I didn’t understand why or how. I feel like she was supposed to be highly trained in martial arts and things of that nature but that the effects were done so badly that it came off as superhuman instead of an acquired skill.

Speaking of effects, the fight scenes were shown badly. They were quick shots and not focused well so I couldn’t really see any of the action. And besides that everything looked so fake! What kind of special effects were these???

The entire movie came off like a spoof.

So a major aspect of this film that was bothering me so much and just getting under my skin was that it was SO over dramatic.

The one and only part that I appreciated was cool because they show what was happening inside the body like when she took a pill. Showed it travel and dissolve in an x-ray type thing. Yep, that was the one scene I liked.

I felt as though the first mission was so easy. I could have done that myself! lol For realssss

I was bothered at the attempt of a successful movie by way of sex appeal. The women in the movie all spoke deeply, sexually, and dramatically.

And the outfits. Ohhhh the outfits. Aeon Flux’s pajamas were a strip of fabric over her boobs just covering her nipples and a pair of underwear.

Her mission outfit: Tight black leather, open chest, and of course with her hair in her face all dramatic and sexy.

It might just be me but that’s not an outfit I’d wear on a mission where I almost die. And my hair most definitely would not be in my face.

Just to top it all off, the acting sooooooooooooooooooooo bad!

Can you tell I hated this movie?

It reminded me a lot of resident evil. But I liked Resident Evil.

Piranha

Posted in Sucked at Life on September 17, 2010 by Des

Release Date: August 20th 2010

Plot Outline: Prehistoric Piranha are freed from under the ocean floor during spring break.

I LOVED Piranha, but not because it was a great, well-made, jaws-like film.

I loved Piranha because of its stupidity and for the pure satisfaction that obnoxious, horny, perverted college students die in a gory, horrendous, bloodbath! It was amazing.

Piranha was full of half naked girls with big boobs, drugs, alcohol, and blood.

I mean, the movie poster says, “Sea, Sex, and Blood”. That wasn’t a lie.

I appreciated that Piranha knew what it was and didn’t try to be anything else. It was a stupid, stupid, movie with hot people dying…what more could you possibly want from this movie?

A classic scene just to give you a taste of the movie’s mood: The main guy in charge of the Girls Gone Wild girls got half eaten by a swarm of Piranha. He gets dragged out of the water while yelling, “My penis! They took my penis!”

We then see his penis floating around in the water and then it gets eaten by a fish…seriously…I’m not joking.

The entire theater (all 7 of us) thoroughly enjoyed watching Piranha. The theater erupted into many laughs and loud clapping numerous times but these times occurred when people died slow torturous deaths.

You should have heard the roars of laughter during the main massacre and at the ending credits. We were all excited. It was a good ole’ time.

I totally recommend seeing Piranha with tons of friends! You will be disappointed but in the best, most humorous way possible.

Diary of the Dead

Posted in Sucked at Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2010 by Des

Release Date: January 18th 2008

Plot Outline: While filming a horror movie, a group of film students run into real life zombies.

I was really excited to see Diary of the Dead because I love zombie movies. I couldn’t wait! Especially because of all the fantastic things I heard about it. Many of my friends loved it.

I finally got a chance to see it and wow…what a let down! It was extremely disappointing. I jumped one or two times just because something popping up that was unexpected.

Nothing in this film was able to make up for the horrible acting…beyond horrible acting. Not to mention the terrible graphics. The random blood and gore spurts were so fake looking. They made me laugh at their stupidity, not cringe as they are supposed to.

This may be the most disappointing zombie movie I have seen aside from The Zombie Diaries.

I really don’t understand why so many people liked it. Maybe it’s just me…

Elephant

Posted in Sucked at Life on July 6, 2010 by Des

Release Date: October 3rd 2003
Plot Outline: We follow several students through their daily lives while two of them are planning a shooting.

Elephant was sooooooooooo boring! The description on imdb.com says Elephant follows 6 characters in their daily lives and don’t we ever. The description didn’t lie. All we see is these 6 chosen characters walking and their pointless mumblings to people they pass by. Nothing even remotely interesting happens for 20 minutes and the interesting part lasts roughly one second, maybe less. But it is just enough to keep some sort of tiny interest.

Elephant didn’t develop any characters at all. We didn’t get into their lives or thoughts or friends, we could barely even hear them speak. We follow them through the movie but we have no idea who they are. These 6 are complete strangers to us. None of them are memorable in the slightest.

Elephant was the most unemotional school shooting movie ever. The acting was terrible there was no emotion or any sense of panic during a very emotional and appropriate time to panic. I didn’t care about this movie at all which is hard to say about a movie dealing with a school shooting.

Miss March

Posted in Sucked at Life on July 6, 2010 by Des

Release Date: March 13th 2009

Plot Outline: After waking from a coma, an extreme celibate-anti-sex before marriage teen wakes up to discover his once celibate girlfriend is now a playboy model.

This was just the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen. It was soooooo stupid! It tried so hard to be funny in perverted ways but it just came off as gross and super unintelligent.

I didn’t think this movie could get worse than it already was but the acting made this difficult task very possible.

I couldn’t deal with watching this ridiculous excuse for a movie and just turned it off.

Stay far far away from this pathetic American Pie wannabe.

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